Masters Vacation
by BowToDarthSunshine
Summary: What happens when you combine three famous villians and a celebrity bash? A big laugh and some funny mistakes.


Title: Master Vacation

Author: Darth Sunshine

Disclaimer: Sorry, but I own none of these characters. Or items. Or people. I'm sorry if I've ruined them for you.

Lord Voldemort read a roadmap as Darth Vader drove his ghetto car.

"Do I turn left or right at the intersection?" asked Darth Vador

"Left." replied Voldemort

"Are you sure? The sign says 'Hollywood next right'?"

"I don't care, just as long as we get there!"

"The precious says to change the music station," Smeagle said from the back seat.

"Shut up you little…little…thing!" said Darth Vador

Smeagle hissed and began tearing chunks out of the ghetto car's seats.

"Okay, okay. Here how about classical music?" said Voldemort

"No. The precious wants rock music."

"No, play rap." Said Darth Vador

After heated minutes of what music to listen to, they all got a headache and decided not to play any music at all.

"I think we already passed this place," said Voldemort

"No we didn't," came Darth Vador

"Yes we did."

"No we didn't."

"Smeagle didn't we pass this place before?"

"The precious is hungry."

"Well, let's go somewhere to eat and rest for the night," said Darth Vador.

So they came to the nearest exit and went to the small town of BillyBob. They came to the only restaurant called 'the Hobo's Hamburger'.

"I would like a shrimp salad please," said Lord Voldemort

"I want a Hobo Hamburger," said Darth Vador

"The precious wants a live fish," said Smeagle

"We don't have any live fish, but we do have a few bloated rats if you want those. I'll even give them to you for free." The waitress said.

Smeagle mumbled with his ring some.

"Okay, we'll take them."

When they got their food, the salad was wilted and the shrimp was rotten, the bloated rats were dead and covered with fleas, and a live cockroach was crawling across the Hobo Hamburger and fries. Smeagle quickly grabbed the cockroach and ate it. Lord Voldemort made a sound of disgust and pushed his salad away. Darth Vador covered his burger with ketchup and mayonnaise. He then tried to eat it but the burger smeared all over his mask. After several more attempts to try to eat the burger, he gave up and poked the fries into the holes of his mask to eat. When they finished eating, the waitress gave them the bill.

"Fifty dollars for this crap!" protested Voldemort as he got out his purse.

Next, they found a place to sleep at the Sleepy Sleazy Motel. It was the sleaziest motel they had ever seen. The carpet was covered with numerous and unnamable stains, water leaked from everywhere, the beds were covered with fleas, and the bathroom was a nuclear waste zone. Smeagle flopped down onto one of the beds and was soon snoring. Lord Voldemort looked at Darth Vador.

"I'm not sleeping here."

"Me neither."

So they looked around the place and decided that the cleanest place to sleep was on the roof. Unfortunately, it began to rain, so they decided to sleep in the ghetto car.

The next day, they came to Hollywood.

"We made it," Voldemort said and sighed happily.

"I don't see why we couldn't use your magic to get us here." Said Darth Vador.

"Because, I'm saving it for Harry Potter."

"Sure."

"I am!"

"Okay."

"Let's just get to the walk of fame, with any luck we might make it to the reception for the movie 'Snakes on a Plane'." Lord Voldemort said.

When they got there, all the parking spots were taken, so Darth Vador parked the car in the handicapped spot.

"Wait a minute. Who is that hot chick over there? She looks familiar." Said Darth Vador

Darth Vador walked towards the woman as Lord Voldemort and Smeagle walked to the reception.

"Hey baby, what's your name?"

"Brittney, Brittney Spears."

"Hmmm, that sounds familiar. Have I met you before?"

"I don't think so. Hey, would you like to meet my boyfriend?"

"Your boyfriend?"

"Yeah, Michael come over here."

A man came out from behind the corner. He had black hair, very pale skin, and a nose so small that all you could see were two small holes.

"This is my boyfriend, Michael Jackson."

"What?"

With those words, Darth Vader took out his light sabor and chopped off Michael Jackson's head.

"Now, would you like to go out to dinner with me?"

"You killed Michael!"

"Yes I did, now are you going to dinner with me?"

"Well, he was kinda creepy, so sure."

Darth Vador took Brittney to a restaurant called 'The Oven Oaf'.

"I would like a low-fat cracker." Said Brittney.

"I would like a bucket of deep fried shrimp and a large cup of Pepsi." Darth Vador ordered.

While the waiter went to get their orders, Darth Vador started some chitchat.

"So where did you come from?"

"Well, actually, I was born in a dumpster."

"Ummm, that's nice."

"Yeah, and I never knew my father so I lived with my mother, Yoda Spears."

"Wait a minute, when were you born?"

"Well, about 30 years ago."

"Wait! No! I'm your father!"

"Daddy!" she exclaimed in joy.

"NOOOO!"

"Sir, here's your food."

Darth Vador took out his light sabor and stabbed the waiter. Then he paid for the food and walked away.

Lord Voldemort was enjoying himself at the party and was chatting with Orlando Bloom.

"Yeah, I like that new movie your in. 'Pirates of the Caribbean' isn't it?"

"Um, yeah."

"I also liked you in the 'Lord of the Rings'. You looked hot as an elf."

"Yeah, well, I liked you in that last movie you were in, too."

"You did! Really? That's great, I mean, nice. I was wondering if I should wear dark purple or scarlet red robes in the next one."

"Scarlet red would great on you."

"Oh, thanks for helping me with that problem. Hey, I know this great little club down the street. Think you can come with me?"

"Um, no. I'm sorry but I have a date my husband later."

"WHAT! You're MARRIED!"

"Yeah."

"To who?"

"Johnny Depp."

"I can't believe you Orlando! I thought that we had something special! I should have just kept Harry in my life and never focused on anyone else."

Lord Voldemort ran out of the room crying.

Smeagle was eating some bugs when a woman came up to him.

"Awe, you're so cute! What's your name?"

"The precious does not want to tell you."

"Come on. Look, I'm Paris Hilton, so who are you?"

Smeagle mumbled with his ring.

"Smeagle."

"What a nice name. Here I have a cute little leash and collar for you. You can be my dog."

"What?"

"Look, it's all pink and fuzzy."

Smeagle mumbled with his ring.

"The precious says you're hot and that I should take the leash and collar."

"That's nice. Now stand still."

Paris put the pink and fuzzy collar on Smeagle.

"There. Now who is this 'precious' friend of yours? Is it that ring? Let me see it."

"NO!"

"Come on, I just want to…finally. Wow! This is pretty."

Smeagle bit off Paris' finger and got the ring back.

"My FINGER!" she screamed and ran off with blood pumping out of her wound.

Darth Vador and Lord Voldemort came up to Smeagle.

"It's time to go." Darth Vador said

"The precious says to wait for us a little bit."

"Okay. We'll be in the car." Lord Voldemort said.

Darth Vador and Lord Voldemort walked together to the ghetto car and saw an officer writing a ticket.

"What are you doing officer?" Darth Vador asked

"You don't have a handicapped license plate."

"But I'm handicapped, see."

Darth Vador dismembered one of his robotic limbs.

"I'm sorry, but you have to have it on the license plate."

"What the? Why you! Ugh, I can't take it anymore, I have to kill someone!"

Darth Vador took out his light sabor and cut off the officer's head.

"Come on, let's go." Darth Vador said.

"What about Smeagle?"

"Look, here he comes."

Smeagle came out with a big smile on his face.

"What did you do Smeagle? You didn't pass gas, did you?" asked Darth Vador

Smeagle shook his head and pointed at the reception building.

"Watch."

Nothing happened for a few seconds. Then the whole walk of fame blew up. They all laughed hysterically.

"Smeagle, you little…little…wonderful thing. You don't know how happy that made me."

"Yes, the precious is pleased too."

Suddenly, a SWAT team came out and arrested them.

"What do we do with them, chief?"

"Put them with the Monty Python crazies."

"How are we ever going to get out?" Voldemort asked.

"I'll use the power of the force." Said Darth Vador as they were taken away by the SWAT team.

"The precious says that this vacation sucked."


End file.
